So we got back Malay results yesterday. Even though I totally was expecting having to re-take the damn thing all over again, I still had to be a total girl and burst into tears. Which was really horribly mortifying cause I just kept crying and crying and crying. In front of everyone. I just wanna apologise to everyone I snapped at. I know you were all just trying to comfort me, but I still went into major bitch mode. I'm really really sorry for that. I think I've got this total inability to feel happy for my friends. I wasn't crying yesterday because I failed, it was more like everyone else passed. And then there were all these people going 'I did damn badly I got a B only'. This girl from my class started screaming when she got back her Malay results, probably an A. And thats when the floodgates opened and never closed. 3 hours a week of malay. As if my timetable isn't terrible enough.

I think JC was the worst decision I ever made. The stress is crazy. The last few days I've had so many breakdowns I think my family's started to lose count. Not only that, everyone's been so nice and careful around me in case I burst into tears. Except Dad of course, who still thinks his daughter can achieve anything she wants. I'm so tempted to go get a withdrawal form, do the whole poly thing. Honestly I think I'm more suited for that. All the poly work I've been doing for my friends certainly proves it. I don't know how anyone else copes with it. Maybe I've just been this really stupid bimbo all along and never noticed it. I know everyone else doesn't think its a big deal, having to repeat malay again, but to me it is. I've never failed anything major before. I got a C6 at O's on my first attempt. I just can't help thinking that when everyone gets their results next March I'm still gonna be the girl in the corner crying her eyes out. I wish this would all just end. That someone would come take me away from all of it. Most of all I think I wish I didn't have so many damn issues.